Sunday, August 12, 2007

More Honest Than My Status Would Let You Know

I copied this from a friend, but thought it was something that everyone should read!

So, here I am…
It’s frustrating you know. This whole Facebook-MySpace-text messaging culture that we are a part of. I have become so accustomed to these conveniences, so much that I hardly bother to check my real mail box but check my internet accounts multiple times a day, only to be disappointed that people aren’t reaching out to me like I think they should be. I mean seriously. I’m important enough to at least get one lousy email a day, or so I have come to be brain washed. Why do I put my trust in this system where I can take all the time in the world to make my “note” or “about me” just perfect enough to be funny and intriguing, putting on a front that my world is so awesome…or at least to appear that way to all you people who are bored enough to read this.

Where have authentic relationships gone? Why are we okay to leave a sentence long message with text abbrevs on someone’s wall and validate a “friendship?” I’m just as guilty as the next, but I can’t be okay with it. You getting updated on my life via “mini feed” is lame. Do you get the whole story? No. I just checked this or that box from the options provided, filled in this paragraph, as if one or two words can show you the inner workings of me. You can see only what I let you see….and like wise…you only let me see what you want to. I pick only the profile pictures of me that make me look like my life is great and I’m having the time of my life, every minute.

Where has conversation gone? Why am I afraid to take the time with people to ask questions, hear about life, challenge opinions? I’m all too willing to let friendships go by the wayside and say, “Well, I get updated on Facebook. They just moved or vacationed here or got engaged…” Where is the authenticity? It’s all too easy to keep things impersonal…keeping people at arm’s length. Conversation can be hard sometimes, painful at others, or it can be rewarding, rejuvenating, engaging, or thought provoking…Either way, we grow, we change.

So, my life. I’m overwhelmed. I ‘m just coming off a vacation of three weeks, where I had time to think, reflect, and grow. I find I’m disappointed in people. They let me down. Just today I can think of multiple times when people were late to a meeting, backed out of future commitments, and overlooked me. I am tired. I have to be a professional in front of kids that I care all too much what they think of me. I am behind in my work and am afraid of failing and being humiliated in front of my peers, colleagues, and students. I have fake confidence. I want you to think I have it all together. I have let people down that I care about, pushing their needs and requests aside for my selfish desires. I always want more, even if I should be content. I wonder, “Why me?” as if I should have special privileges. I worry about tomorrow. I want to control today. And I’m overwhelmed with scheduling but still find time to write this note, putting off my obligations. No, this probably isn’t more authentic than anything that I was complaining about in the paragraphs above...I’m a hypocrite. That’s me…more honest than my status would let you know.